


Goodnight. Don't let the xenomorphs bite

by Bettyboop13



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Aliens, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Conspiracy Theories, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Protective Peter Parker, Tumblr Prompt, Wade Wilson is a big kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettyboop13/pseuds/Bettyboop13
Summary: Spideypool -I went to water my plants on the balcony and you’re on yours with a tinfoil hat what the hell are you doing
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 20
Kudos: 275





	Goodnight. Don't let the xenomorphs bite

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt stolen (?) from: https://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/101118660910/au-prompts-masterlist-of-lists 
> 
> I wanna work on my writing skills so I can finish other fics I've started, so I'm challenging myself to write Spideypool. :) Don't forget to go check out day the previous days work by clicking on the series title!

It was late one evening when Peter got home from work, anxiously rushing to his balcony to check on his little garden. There was barely any space on his small apartment’s balcony since Peter discovered his love for gardening, but it was _flourishing_. He has been anxious since he was kept overtime at the Bugle, it had been an unusually hot day and he was worried that his precious babies might wilt in the sudden heat. But they all seemed ok, so Peter relaxed and set about watering them lovingly.

It wasn’t long before his eyes wandered to the apartment adjacent to his and one below. The way the building was set up Peter’s balcony was jutting out further than the people on his left, in line with the balcony below on the left, so it was in clear view from one to the other. And Peter just so happened to have a very handsome, eccentric neighbour living on that lower balcony, who walked around in tight shirts or did very oddly entertaining things on his small patch of fake grass.

Tonight Wade (Peter met him in the elevator once or twice and they had introduced themselves) was sitting on the balcony looking up at the sky, mouth slightly agape, and what looked like several layers of tinfoil wrapped around his head.

“What the hell are you doing?” Peter said quietly, not intending for Wade to hear him, but the other man suddenly looked at him.

“I’m looking for them.”

“Oh,” Peter looked up as well. “Who?”

“_Them_.”

“Right,” Peter nodded, looking lost.

“You don’t believe in… aliens?” Wade’s jaw dropped; Peter glanced skyward.

“I suppose I never really gave it much thought. Why does it matter?” Peter put the watering can down as Wade let out a squeak.

“Of course, it matters! They can read your mind!” He had jumped to his feet, grabbing the tinfoil. “Here!”

Wade stood on his tippy toes and extended his reach up towards Peter’s balcony, tinfoil in hand. Peter looked down at him, he didn’t want to take it but the again, he didn’t exactly want to be rude. Regardless, he couldn’t quite reach it anyway.

“God fucking dammit. I’ll come up.” Wade said

“Ugh, if you like.” Peter looked over his shoulder at the mess that was his apartment, would he have enough time to tidy before Wade made it upstairs? He didn’t want Wade seeing his apartment in such disarray. But then suddenly Wade was in front of him; he had somehow jumped up and pulled himself up onto the balcony.

“Geezus!” Peter grabbed onto his arm as he climbed over the balcony railing. “You could get yourself killed”

“_Please_.” Wade smirk self-righteously having made it onto Peter’s balcony. “I’m strong, no way I wasn’t going to make it up here. Now hold still.”

“Alright, you big kid.” Peter sighed as Wade began to tinfoil Peter’s head. Wade stood back and nodded, satisfied. Peter felt the tinfoil and patted it down so it fitted his head a little better.

“Now you’re safe.”

“I suppose so. Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.” Wade grinned, then looked around at Peter’s plants. “Wow. Quite the green thumb, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. I find it relaxing.” Peter bit his lip; he felt a little awkward now and Wade showed no signs of leaving. They had to stand in very close proximity given the lack of space out there. “Since you’re here, can I get you a drink?”

“Sure!”

“What’d you want? I’ve got tea, coffee, water. Probably some beer.”

“Beer thanks, baby boy.”

Peter went back inside and was relived to find he indeed have a back of beers left, though he couldn’t remember how old they were. He headed back to the balcony but gave a start when he nearly bumped into his neighbour.

“Your place is a bit smaller than mine.” Wade looked around, not bothered by the mess.

“But higher.” Peter shoved the beer into Wade’s hands. “And much smaller with you in here.”

“Oh sorry,” Wade walked backwards until he was out on the balcony again. “Better?”

Peter scoffed, “Yes, thank you.”

“So,” Wade leant against the doorframe, Peter noted that he nearly _filled_ it. “How come you don’t believe in them?”

“Well, it’s not that I don’t. I just, don’t see why I should?” Peter joined Wade on the balcony, re-checking his plants so he had something to do.

“Why shouldn’t you though. I mean, how do you _think_ we got the pyramids?”

“Rudimentary hard work?”

“That’s just what capitalistic industrialised schools teach you. That’s what they want you to think.”

“So,” Peter looked up at Wade, “You’re crazy?”

Wade help up his hands in defence. “Crazy is a strong word. I like to think I’m enlightened.”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Peter pulled out his folding canvas deck chairs, one for each of them and sat down, swigging his beer. Wade looked at his seat, at Peter. “What?”  
“No one offers me a seat when I come over.” Wade sat down tentatively

“What? Why not?”

“’m too enlightened for them.” Wade looked up at the sky again, but Peter was sceptical. People probably didn’t want to have to deal with someone crazy like Wade. Come to think of it, Peter had never seen Wade ever have visitors, and he was home a lot. Peter felt intensely sad for Wade; so what if he had an active imagination - he should be protected, not rejected.

“Hopefully I can keep up.” Peter offered him a smile. Wade watched him for a moment, before smiling back.

They both sat looking up at the sky, watching the airplanes and Peter found himself quite interested in the things Wade had to say. He was very smart, talking about space travel and the approximate amount of satellites over them at any given time. They had another beer each. Even when the conversation got a bit more conspiratorial, Peter found himself joining in. It was fun to debate about such unknown topics.

“What do you do when you’re not watching the sky?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, I’ve never not seen you on your balcony doing something.”

“Oh.” Wade fiddled with his beer cap. “I’m sorta like… a hitman? But, I don’t always kill people. I usually just go scare people.”

“Huh.” Peter’s eye widened, not sure if he should be intrigued or scared.

“Yeah. Like when ex-boyfriends are being assholes and not giving stuff back, or stalkers being creepy. Stuff like that.”

“Have you ever… killed anyone?”

“Yeah,” Wade looked at him, big brown eyes looked scared. Was Peter scared of him? Of this tall, burly assassin with tinfoil on his head? …no.

“Cool.” Peter looked up at the sky again.  
“You’re not scared of me?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.”

“Unless I should be?” Peter looked at Wade out of the corner of his eye. Wade shook his head.

“Not unless you’re a bad person.” Wade chuckled.

“I suppose you must be quite a nice guy to kill bad guys, huh?”

“I dunno if you could say that.” Wade rubbed his neck. “But I mean. I’m not going to kill any old Joe just ‘cause he looks at me funny.”

Peter smiled, sipping his beer. “Well I suppose now you have to invite me over for drinks.”

“Yeah – wait, what?”

“Well, this has been nice. And it’s not like I exactly invited you up here. So, nice guy like you should probably invite me around to apologize.”

“O-oh.” Wade looked a little flustered that he’d invited himself up, like he hadn’t noticed. “Yes. S-sure. If you want.”

“And you said your apartment was bigger than mine, so I wanna see by how much.”

“Like this much.” Wade held his arms out just about as far as they could go. Peter chuckled. “You want to see me again then, huh?”

“Of course.” Peter nodded. He liked Wade; as crazy and dangerous as he could be. He was funny, intelligent and _really_ good looking. Not that Peter was shallow or anything.

“Cool.” Wade finished off his beer. “I should go.”

“Okay.” Peter stood up, his tinfoil hat falling off. “Oops!” He quickly replaced it, not wanting to be rude. Wade watched him, a little amazed and very pleased.

“Keep yourself safe, sweetcheeks.” Wade stood up too and patter Peter’s hat into place.

“Alright, captain.” Peter grinned, giving Wade a little fake salute. Wade smiled softly. And surprised Peter when he clambered back over the balcony railing. “You can use the door you know!”

“That’s not fun.” Wade grinned, tiptoes still on Peter’s balcony. They looked at each other for a moment before Peter got an idea.

“Oh! Is that a shooting star?” He gasped, looking up. Surely enough Wade snapped his head up too, and Peter got on his very tip toes and planted a quick kiss on Wade’s cheek.

“Where?” Wade asked, not seeming to have noticed.

“Oh sorry, my mistake.” Peter chuckled. “Goodnight, don’t let the xenomorphs bite.”

“Very funny.” Wade sneered but smiled before dropping himself down back onto his balcony. He duck-and-rolled out of the drop and sprung back up again, saluting Peter before walking inside. Peter rolled his eyes, smiling widely despite himself and he headed inside to find something for dinner. Downstairs Wade struggled to breath, clutching his cheek. And he left his tinfoil behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Just when I thought I was catching up, I have a bad mental health day and skip again. So sorry guys.  
Anyway, hope you enjoy this little piece. Its a bit short but sweet.
> 
> You know the drill ;)


End file.
